Back in the early 90s, or the late 1900s as kids say today, girls went to college with a career plan in mind but often had a marriage plan in mind too. There were some who found their college sweethearts and married after or soon after graduating. Others, like myself, may have met their college sweetheart, planned on marrying them, but things just didn’t work out. So they ventured into the workforce continuing to look for Mr. Right, but maybe they didn’t meet him right away so the marriage and family plan was put on hold for a while.
I found mine at 27 which I think was a pretty good age. Honestly, I encourage my daughter to wait a little longer than I did. “Enjoy your 20s sweet darling, there’s nothing like it!”It’s not like I had my kids “late” in life, but my daughter was born when I was 32 and I had my son at 34.
I have friends whom had their kids in their early or mid 20s which is great! If you have kids, then you know that your life changes. Things calm down a bit and priorities change. If you were one whom had kids earlier, I’m not saying that you didn’t get to live a lot of life in your 20s, but maybe you didn’t have all the experiences those of us “singletons” did. So your time was coming when your kids were grown and have flown the coop. Those that waited to have kids, lived it up in our 20s. Even though I’m still looking forward to many adventures after my kids have graduated and move out to start their own lives, I feel like I crossed a lot of things off my bucket list in my 20’s.
So while some women were warming up bottles in the middle of the night, others were warming up the bed with the hot bartender they took home. Some were waking up at 2 AM for late night feedings, and others were at greasy hole-in-the-walls for late night feedings. Some were buying diapers, others were buying thongs at Victorias Secret for that trip to Mexico. Some were enjoying a nice glass of wine to wind down for the evening, but not too much wine because you had that late night feeding. And then others were enjoying two-for-one margaritas, but not too many margaritas, so it wouldn’t be completely apparent how hung over you were when you stumbled into work the next day. There were mommies buying diaper rash cream, while we are buying concealer to cover up the obvious …we didn’t put a cap on the margarita limit at happy hour…again.
I don’t have any regrets about the choices I made in life or the timing of events. I’ve always believed that God has a plan, and this was his plan for me. But motherfucker, there are just some things I didn’t plan for when I had kids a little later in life.
Some people get married early, and just wait to have kids because they’re wanting to get a nice little stash of cash pulled together, because we’ve all been told how expensive babies are! Especially from our parents. But holy hell! If the expense of a baby was ever a ploy to practice safe sex then they really should have been more informative about how expensive teenagers are! Yeah, I hear about it now that I’ve already brought these little bits into the world and there’s nothing I can do about it, so thank you for that. Had I known, maybe I would’ve forgone that trip to Mexico? No, screw that! What I would’ve done was gone with the Walmart birthday cakes, a pack of Capri Suns, and a shit load of bubbles for their birthday parties instead of selling stock so they could have a custom-made cake designed around their party theme, accompanied by clowns, a rental princess (who probably enjoyed two-for-one margaritas the night before) a traveling petting zoo, and the extra large bounce house with an attached water slide.
I see these cute young families with matching family shirts for their Disney trips, and yeah, I get it, I did it too. It makes for a great family picture, but the kids don’t remember that. Hell, my kids don’t even remember half the Disney trips we went on! My daughter doesn’t remember that she had a matching monogrammed bow for every Gymboree outfit she wore as a toddler, and my son definitely doesn’t remember all the cute seersucker outfits I bought to match his sister’s outfits. In fact he would probably be in therapy now if he did remember. My point is, now that they’re older, now that I’m older, I see a lot of that as just a waste. All the those cute custom bows I had made for my daughter did nothing. Now I can’t get her to wear anything but black and combat boots. So if there’s any advice I can give young mothers with children, don’t waste your money on that crap. You need to start a teenager fund. This is different than a college fund. This is money put away for groceries, because they will double in cost and you’ll have no leftovers for lunch the next day. Money for school fees because you’ll find they can’t participate in any of the fun activities unless you’ve paid your damn fees. Money for school uniforms that you’ll have to buy numerous times throughout the year because they continue to outgrow the ones they have. Eventually you’ll have to start buying $150 sneakers because they can’t fit in the kid size anymore. So where am I going with this rant? My luxury fund.
I will be the first to admit, I’ve always enjoyed designer clothing. Not necessarily for the label, but because I’ve always believed you get what you pay for. In fact, my favorite pair of black pants weren’t cheap, but I think I’ve had them for at least four years and they have yet to fade and still fit like a glove. I enjoyed manicures and pedicures. I enjoyed getting my hair highlighted because it was fun and I felt like that made me “fun”.
When my kids were little, I had no problem spending the extra money to get their clothes monogrammed while I shopped off the Target clearance rack. I could put a pause on the highlights because it’s not like it was a necessity, not like Gymboree was. So I made sacrifices in my 30s, and gladly did so. But now I’m on the verge of turning 50 as my daughter enters her senior year. Lots of exciting, but expensive adventures await us! So as I soak in all of the joyous changes she’ll go through as she ventures into her last year of high school, I’m unfortunately soaking in all of the not so joyous changes I will venture into as I make my way towards 50! And this beholds the problems with my luxury fund.
The thing is, I don’t really consider it a luxury fund anymore. I consider it a necessity fund.
I’m a good person, I think, but some of you might find this to be a little shallow or selfish. I can’t shop the Target clearance racks anymore. Cute stuff, but not cute on me! My daughter may need a spring formal, but I NEED Spanx leggings! Don’t even try to tell me that I can get the same offbrand from Amazon, because you can’t! Thanks to my good friend, Julie, who introduced me to Spanx leggings, once you’ve tried them, you can’t wear anything else. They tuck, they grip, they lift, they smooth, you can sleep in them. You can’t do that with Old Navy leggings. You can’t even do that with The Gap. So, having teenagers at this age has definitely become a bit of a financial struggle. Like I said, these “wants” have become “needs” as I age, and it’s become quite a conflict with my daughter’s. With my son, our biggest issues are the food supply. He got a fancy new bike for his birthday and as long as I keep the pantry stocked with chips and queso, he’s fine.
I remember when my daughter was little I would think about how exciting it would be that we could go shopping together when she got a little older. It is fun. Really, it’s a lot of fun to buy a $12 bottle of shampoo because she’s going through that oily skin stage. But see, that cuts into my expensive shampoo and conditioner I need because I’m losing my hair. It’s fun to buy her a pair of heels that she’ll probably wear once a year, while I think about how I’m going to get extra funds to buy my Birkenstocks, because regular flip-flops hurt the nerves between my toes and provide no orthopedic support. It’s fun to go get our hair done together, a little mother-daughter outing. She has really gotten into highlights and changing her hair color every other month. More fun. But I’m a good mom, so I make the sacrifices. I’ve opted for one solid hair color so I can supplement with Madison Reed between salon visits. I refuse to go completely gray. I love Starbucks! She loves Starbucks! In fact, I’m so glad I introduced her to a Frappuccino at age 10. So, so fun. I understand that’s not a “need” but I think it helps sell the point I’m trying to make. I love when she and her brother have all their friends over and I get to order 6 different pizzas because nobody likes the same toppings. It’s super fun. It’s even more fun to go to bed hungry because my husband and I could only scavenge what’s left of the cheese pizza. Yuk! But, they’re happy, so we’re happy. Happy that we made another economical sacrifice for the sake of our children’s happiness. Happy to know that someday we WILL be able to buy those orthopedic pillows for my sciatica and his arthritic back once we become empty nesters and we don’t have to buy pizzas.
But for now, I will sadly, and a little reluctantly, continue to delete the emails with my discounted offer to renew my Fab, Fit, Fun subscription filled with anti-aging creams, facemasks, and hair strengthening serums for the sake of my children. But there’s no way in hell I’m EVER giving up the Spanx or anything that minimizes my lady humps, no matter the cost!
Amen to all of it!!! Never forego the spans!
I just love your blogs. Hats off to you for waiting to have kids. I had mine at 21 and although I love being able to do what I want now I missed out of some things in my 20’s. I guess that’s why I am raising hell now. Haha!
Thank you! Initially, the plan was to marry my boyfriend from college, but once I moved to Texas, and he was still in Oklahoma I think I went a little wild! Lol! Or, I probably would’ve had my kids in my early 20s. I think the key is just to remember to do things for yourself whether it’s before you have kids or after- 😜